Got My Mojo Back!

This week I finally felt mentally sound enough to get back in the studio!!! Its been a LONG time coming...⁣

As many of you know, I’ve struggled to create music since my mom passed. I honestly got really scared wondering if I would ever be able to feel happy and passionate about singing, writing, recording, performing, etc. again. But every single time I even thought about if I would be able to make more music, I would get a “random” message/comment from someone saying how one of my songs helped them get through their day or how a song still meant so much to them 💛 ⁣

When I started this studio session this week. I cried and was just SO THANKFUL to not feel weighed down with pain and sorrow and just be happy and free to create. ⁣

Sometimes when we’re weighed down with pain and sorrow, we don’t even realize how heavy the load is. We forget how amazing it feels to be free and happy. I didn’t even know how much I was carrying. I was not myself. I went through a lot and those close to me were really worried and didn’t know how to help. The truth is, they couldn’t. ⁣

It was up to me to find a way to let it go, get to where I needed to be, seek help, get the counseling / therapy I needed, move, etc. ⁣

If you’re in a low place, you’ll find the strength you need to climb up out of it. It’ll take a lot work, a lot of effort, some divine connections and occurrences, but IT IS POSSIBLE to be happy again. And I’m LIVING proof of it! ⁣

I love y’all! And can’t wait to share some music to help keep you motivated and uplifting along your path. It’s coming. I got y’all! We are in this thing together!!!! ⁣


I Chose Joy

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Sometimes the biggest, scariest leap of faith can land you right in middle of the greatest joy ✨ ⁣

When we decided to move back to LA I felt peace. But I still had those butterflies in my stomach and we had SO many things to take care of to make it a reality. I was still a little scared, but @kenny_jackson and I were sure we had unfinished business here in LA and that LA was where we needed to be. It took a lot of hard work, a ton of strategic moves and a whole lot of of faith to believe everything would be okay and fall into place. I am so proud of us for following that gut feeling and just doing it! ⁣

We focused on us, muted out the noise and ALL THE QUESTIONS flooding in from those who knew we were moving and just did what we believed was best for US. ⁣
And I'm so thankful that we did. ⁣

We've been here for a couple of months now and I know we made the right move. I feel so energized and thankful. I find myself being more present, more mindful, more aware and just smiling a whole lot more than I have in a LONG time. I've missed feeling genuine joy. I almost forgot what it felt like to just be in a good head space in the midst of the daily things that happen in life (because trust, there's plenty going on in our world) and I'm just THANKFUL. ⁣

We deserved the space to TRY and I hope many others realize they deserve that space as well! ⁣

Sending big smiles and positive vibes to all those who are in a season in their lives that call for big decision making and just trying to figure things out... I hope you are able to navigate to a space that allows you to explore, TRY, live & learn and find true joy, purpose and fulfillment. ⁣

Love Y'all 💛

Dreamy

Some people think kids make you put your dreams on hold, but he's making all my dreams come true. ⁣

My son makes me go harder, makes me focus more, makes me a better me. ALL AROUND. ⁣

I would have never imagined this journey of parenthood, at this point in my life, would make me do the work to be better, live better and want to truly live out my purpose. His existence has made me look at everything in a completely different lens. ⁣

To be honest, I was scared to be a mom. A: because I had an amazing, strong mom B: because my first job was being a nanny + all I saw was screaming kids in Target and it terrified me LOL ⁣

But God has blessed me with a child JUST like his Daddy. He's cool & chill 90% of the time 10% of the time, he remembers there's a thing called Turnt Up Twos (not terrible twos) and he tests the waters LOL And it's hilarious to see him explore boundaries! ⁣

With all the unpredictability and beauty this journey as a mother has taken me on, I am BEYOND thankful. Having my baby sitting in my lap, playing in the sand, listening to the ocean brought me to tears this weekend. I've been through a lot in the last three years. And I'm just thankful to be here. And I'm thankful to have Kendrix and Kenny. ⁣

It's hard work, but it's the best work. And it leads me to do even greater work. ⁣

Hope this encourages someone today thinking about parenthood, dreaming big and working hard to reach your goals, whatever they may be!

Confidence

WHEW CHILE when I tell y'all my confidence was in the dumps for so long, I forgot how amazingly, beautiful it feels to be confident and assured. ⁣⁣
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This week was full of confirmations that I'm going to be okay, I'm coming into my own and I'm slipping out of the strong grips of deeply saddening grief.⁣⁣
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I worked hard, had some dope meetings, been running around the city with my head held high. Even tested this confidence thing by running errands with no makeup & no bra one day 😆, just doing a conscious exercise to free myself from worrying about what other people think and to be comfortable!!! For me that was a HUGE TEST and I passed lol ⁣⁣
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How did I get here? Well let me tell ya...⁣⁣
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I had a talk with my brother Ryan while I was in Washington DC and it sparked SUCH an energy shift for me after we talked. It's like I had an epiphany and a huge weight was lifted from my soul. The conversation was not an easy one to have [I cried a lot] but in the end I was beyond THANKFUL that in that moment, I was willing to LISTEN and let him really pour into me and tell me that I cannot live my life worrying about what everybody else thinks. I've heard it a lot before, especially from my husband, but it was time to really hear what a lot of my loved ones have been trying to say. I talked about it a lot in therapy too. I’ll share more about that later...⁣⁣
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But I realize that some people may never have a brother in their corner looking out for them, so I'm taking the time right now to say this to you: You got this. You cannot live your life predicated on what you 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐊 people are going to think... because in most cases you're just all in your head thinking the worst. Everybody has a million things going on in their lives and they probably aren't even thinking about you like that! LOL Live your life!!! I repeat Live 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 life! Figure out a way to enjoy it. Breathe deeper, think wiser and be present. Take moments to just feel free and do something 𝐘𝐎𝐔 want to do. Prioritize tasks and time with the ones you love [including yourself] so you can spend the precious time you have here as best you can. ⁣⁣
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Sending love & light to you all today!

We Moved Back to LA!

After 20 months of living in our hometown of Kansas City, we have moved back to LA!⁣

These past 20 months have been a season for me to really get my mind & spirit in a better place. Losing my mom hit me HARD. I will never be able to find the words to explain the pain I experienced having to become a mother, while losing my mother, during my first pregnancy. I tried my best to keep it together, but in the end, I just wanted to come home. I didn't want to push the pain to the back of my mind. I wanted to deal with it. I wanted to feel what I needed to feel & face reality head on, so that I could be fully present as a mother for my child. Kenny & I loved living in LA. We had been there 11 years, but I was at a breaking point & I knew I needed to do something. I'm so proud of myself for doing this! These months of deep work & sacrifice will be worth it for the rest of my life! ⁣

It's been A LOT of soul searching. A lot of beautiful, gentle patience from my husband @Kenny_Jackson & I am FOREVER thankful for his loyal love. ⁣

I spent a lot of time in our home, in my own little bubble, just trying to figure things out. Spent a lot of time not only mothering my son, but mothering the ME within. My confidence was shot, making decisions & dealing with family without my mom being here to step in was hard. I experienced more heartache than I could have ever expected, but I was determined to figure out a way to get better & be stronger. ⁣

Through it all, we were able to spend some beautiful, quality time with our family. See my son bond with so many cousins, aunts & uncles. I was able to go to grief counseling. I was able to work from home the entire time I was there. I was able to figure out what I want out of life & how I'm going to navigate through this new normal.⁣ ⁣


So with that, I say, Kansas City, you were so good to me. Thank you for being a source of comfort & healing. My journey to seek peace led me all the way back to my roots, the place that raised me up & rebuilt me again. I will be forever thankful. ⁣ ⁣


And LA, thank you for welcoming us back with open arms & endless opportunities. I'm thankful & excited. ⁣ ⁣
We are thrilled to be back!

Mental Health Awareness Month

It’s the last day of #MentalHealthAwarenessMonth ✨ I’ve spent A LOT of time on this couch...⁣

SO many tears, so many deep rooted things discussed... I never knew how much certain family relationships and moments from my childhood would impact my grieving process. ⁣

When I started Grief Counseling I thought I was just going to talk about things between me and my mother but I was WRONG. I had to navigate through SO much more.⁣

I was never embarrassed about seeking help, instead I felt empowered and proud of myself for doing something for ME. I’m always doing throngs for others trying to make sure everybody else is straight and I had to return the favor to myself! ⁣

I’ve always pictured myself on a path, trying to navigate alone with all the thoughts that go on in my creative, ambitious mind. But it was SO nice to have someone join me, unbiased and hold my hand, for these last couple of months, to help me get to a new mental space safely. It was like being on a deserted island alone and then the kindest person joins you to help you get to a safe space! That’s what seeking professional help did for me! ⁣

I’m am forever thankful for @GildasClubKC and my amazing Grief Counselor for helping me understand ME a lot more.⁣

I encourage anyone that may be feeling like you’re going through tough times alone, to find a professional to talk to IF you’re ready and willing to do the work. And if you think it’s too expensive or money is what’s getting in the way from you getting help, there are FREE programs that offer counseling, you just have to find them. Use google and find non profits that offer counseling. You’ll be surprised how many programs there are! ⁣

I know how it is to feel consumed with your inner most thoughts even when you’re surrounded my loving family or friends. It’s a tough place to be and it can weigh you down without you even realizing it. I hope we all can find a way to navigate through this life purposefully with a sound mind, body and soul. You are worth the work! You are the only you, you get! So thank care of yourself my dear friends 💛 I love y’all! ⁣

Grief Counseling

Today was my last Grief Counseling Session at Gilda's Club of Kansas City . ⁣

My time here in my hometown of Kansas City, has solely been to deal with the loss of my mother and get my mind right to face the rest of my life without her physically here. ⁣

I’ve learned so much about myself throughout this time of soul searching and seeking. Everything that I’ve ever believed has been tested and I’ve dug deep to grow. ⁣

That’s the beautiful thing about this life, about nature about the way things work… you have to dig deep to plant a seed, you have to plant it somewhere where it can grow and live purposeful and you have to have patience to allow it to naturally take it’s time to grow into it’s full potential. ⁣

I’m thankful for the strength and courage to dig deep and be patient with myself. There’s a lot of growing pains, but I’m just taking things day by day, slowly but surely blooming into the woman I was born to be. ⁣

I am so happy I decided to get out of my comfort zone and seek professional help. ⁣

My counselor was a God-Send over these past couple of months and really helped me navigate through more than I was expecting. ⁣

I am truly thankful for the legacy that Gilda Radner & Gene Wilder (who passed away the same exact day as my mother) have left behind to help people who have been effected by cancer in various ways. ⁣

Their grief counseling program was exactly what I needed to transition into a new chapter in my life. ⁣

This is not a sponsored post nor an ad, but I want to share that there are Gilda’s Clubs all over the country and if you are a caretaker, a cancer survivor, fighting cancer or have lost a loved one to cancer, I’d like to encourage you to see if there’s one in your area. They have so many amazing programs, community activities and support groups. And if you’re looking for an organization to donate to, they are the real deal! ⁣ ⁣ ⁣

My Marathon 🏁

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I've been reflecting a lot over the past couple of weeks, thinking about my path, my marathon, my journey...⁣

The past couple of years have been a shifting season for me in a lot of ways. And I have to admit, I got really overwhelmed. ⁣

I saw the beautiful impact that Ermias Asghedom aka Nipsey Hussle made on the world, during his short time here and it really jolted me. I've been so numb, so disconnected, trying so hard, yet so lost. Lost in Loss. Stuck in Sorrow. Functioning while in a Funk. I went way out of my way to navigate through my grief on my own, but it got too heavy to carry. I haven't been able create music like I've always been able to, it's been like a block in my creative space that's been too heavy for me to remove on my own. So I decided to get some help. Help from someone who was an expert in this type of heavy lifting.⁣

I've been in grief counseling for about 4 weeks now and it's been helping me navigate through the losses I've experienced in my life, specifically the loss of my mother. I'm right in the middle of my counseling sessions and every week I've been getting random messages and comments from people telling me how one of my songs is helping them get through tough times. I'm receiving that as a sign. I know my gifts are important and are needed and it's time to get up and get on a good pace again. It's okay to stumble, it's okay to get tired, it's okay if I fall, but I have to get back up and take one step at a time, I'm here for a reason and so are you! ⁣

I wanted to take the time to encourage those who might be able to connect with me along this journey and let you know that if you never hear it from anybody else that you are important. The gifts and the ideas that you have stirring inside of you are there for a reason. You are needed. You are important. And we need you along this race, this journey, this path. We all have our own ways of navigating our lives but please know that if you ever need someone to walk with you, you are not alone! That's the beauty of social media. Hit me up! I'm here.

Sending love and hugs to anyone who needs one today⁣
#TheMarathonContinues 🏁⁣