What 2017 Taught Me

This year has been full of ups and downs for me. As I take a moment to reflect on everything that has taken place in 2017, I'm really proud of the strength I was able to gather and thankful for the lessons I've learned through it all...

I went to great lengths to seek peace and pursue purpose this year. When I lost my mom in 2016, there were so many goals I made for myself for 2017 and although I have plenty more things to work on, I learned so much in these 365 days. 

2017 was a year that taught me how to listen to my heart, and I faced the fact that my heart was broken and needed a chance to heal. When my mother passed away, I was 8 months pregnant and was unable to mourn in a healthy manner, I didn't allow myself time to grieve. This fall, after the year mark of my mother's passing, I decided I needed to take some time to seek peace with all that had taken place and that pursuit led me home. During this season of my life, I've been able to find incredible inspiration. Being around my family and the city I love the most, has energized my soul and has allowed me to learn more about who I truly am and see pieces of my purpose much more clearer. Although the scar from losing my mother will never fade away, my heart is becoming whole again and everything seems to be falling into place for my purpose as a human being, as a wife, as a mother, as an artist and everything in between.   

2017, your lessons weren't always easy but they made me better. And for that, I am thankful. 

2018, I'm Ready. 


August Ambition


August is here and my goal to Get In Tune is in full effect. I don't want August to be a sad month for me I want it to be a month of honor, celebration and reflection.

Not too long ago, I saw a little girl in the grocery store with her mom. It was clear her mom was going through chemo therapy and my heart just sank for them. The little girl looked like she was around 12 years old. And all I could do in that moment was be thankful. Thankful that I had my mom for thirty three years because not everybody gets that much time. Although my time with my mom seemed short to me, it was so amazing, meaningful and beautiful. 

I always told my husband, when we have children I want to start a bunch of family traditions. And I'm feeling like August needs to be a month where we have family traditions to honor my mom's legacy every year. I'm not sure what I'm going to do just yet, but her birthday is the 15th and I'm sure I'll come up with something. Meanwhile, I want this month to be a time where I'm able to take the time reflect on my life, make changes if need be and celebrate all the things that I am thankful for. 

I've learned over the years that when I really need a boost of energy, counting my blessings around me, even if it's something really small and simple, always helps me from going to a low place. 

I'm beginning to get excited about this month because I expect growth and getting closer to a new place of peace. This month, my goals are to go the extra mile for my health, my marriage (b/c the rookie parent romance struggle is real) and also finishing up some new music.

My mom would like all of that. And I do to. I carry her light with me, but I also understand that I have a light of my own that I have to be responsible with. So when I shine, she shines no matter what. 

My mom always wanted her children to live our lives as full as possible, which is why all three of us are so creative, and I'm determined not to let her down.

My prayer is that August is full of more smiles than tears and when they do fall, it'll cleanse my soul in a beautiful way to continue on stronger and wiser with more peace to pass on to those who long for it too. 

Getting In Tune...

In the studio with my baby this weekend...

In the studio with my baby this weekend...

As August quickly approaches, I've found myself unable to sleep. 

August has always been big month for our family. Every August we would celebrate my youngest brother's birthday, my niece's birthday, our wedding anniversary and my mom's birthday. 

This time around, August seems to be giving me anxiety. It'll mark a year since mom passed away. No matter how busy I try to be, no matter how much I try to avoid thinking about it, there's no getting around it. It happened. It's real. And it's confronting me. 

I still can't believe that this is my life right now. That my mom is not here how I wish she was. Trying to adjust to this new normal, with a new baby has shown me the true strength that I carry. Watching my mom fight the way she did, was teaching me a lesson the entire time and I didn't understand all the lessons I learned until after she passed. I look back at all that she went through and I know how truly blessed I am. I'm blessed with the same strength my mother had, it's within me. And that strength is going to carry me through every challenge and heart ache I face for the rest of my life. 

One challenge that has been tough to get through is moving forward in my career. My mom was my guiding light, my point of reference and my compass when it came to making major decisions and moves in my life. Over the past year, I feel like I've been lost on my journey without her, like I've just been in the dark. I've been searching for the light at the end of the tunnel, but all I keep seeing is little sparks of hope. that seem to quickly dim after a short amount of time. I've been struggling to find that that beam of light that leads me away from this dark, lonely path of mourning and onto a path of true peace and acceptance.

But this weekend gave me hope. I woke up the other day and felt a little lighter. Like I finally saw some light. And not just a little piece of light at the end of a tunnel, it was like a light bulb came on and there it was: A vision, a direction of where to go from here, a sign and a well lit path. 

I know that I put a lot of pressure on myself and I know at times I'm unfair, but in order to be great, I know it's going to take great sacrifice. I'm giving myself a chance to breathe and mourn, but I'm also not giving myself an excuse to give up. I'm beginning to see a bigger purpose within my pain. I'm beginning to understand how everything is falling into place and how patience is key. Embracing all that I have become and all that I have went through over the past year is so important for this season in my life. In the midst of everything, I've had the courage to continue to pursue my purpose and my dreams. And that's something to be proud of. I'm learning to get out of auto pilot and reflect on the things I've been able to do as a daughter, as a mother, as a wife, as a sister, as a niece and as a person. I'm thankful for the strength God has equipped me with and as my compassion continually grows for others going through heartache and shifts in their lives, it's important for me to continue to seek peace and balance and get in tune

As I walk along my journey, my goal is to be in tune. Not just musically, but throughout every area of my life. I want to be in tune with my feelings, my family, my body, and everything else that has to do with me living a harmonious life.

From now on, that is the goal to continue to create amazing music but also inspire others to turn down the noise, turn up the passion and live a life in harmony.

That same day I woke up enlightened, I headed to the studio with my husband and my baby to finish up a song that has taken me a while to complete. When I got to work, I felt empowered and unstoppable. Listening to the new music and seeing things coming together made me really feel a sense of peace. I still have a long way to go, but I have a feeling that the things that I have to share will bless so many people and I will get the confirmations I need along my journey to be reassured that I'm on the right path.  

Stay tuned, as I get in tune...


Over the past year my life has changed drastically. I've had to operate in a place of protective peace to make it through, but I've come to a point where I have to navigate through this season in my life a lot more present. I've been reflecting on a lot because this month marked a year when life started shifting in a serious way that I was not expecting. And I haven't been able to really open up about it until now. For some reason, I feel like opening up. I think it may be a better way for me to get through this grieving process better. I may be wrong, but I'm willing to give it a try...

In July 2016 my mother's battle against breast cancer took a turn and I was no longer able to call and talk to her. Just writing that made me burst into tears. I haven't talked about this much. I've tried my best to keep all the pain and hurt pushed away somewhere up until now...

Why? Well because in July 2016, I was also 6 months pregnant with my first child. I've never been so torn in my entire life. I was so excited to be a mother and was constantly thinking about my sweet, precious baby boy and I didn't want him to be exposed to such intense sorrow before he even took his first breath. I had a conversation with my mom in June 2016 and she expressed how much she didn't want me to miss out on the joy of becoming a mother because I was so concerned about her. I expressed to her how much she was not a burden and I was going to be okay. She knew that it was impossible for me to not be concerned, but it also another moment for her to teach me a lesson. In that vulnerable moment, she showed me how beautiful, strong & powerful the love of a mother truly is. 

August 29, 2016, my mother passed away. Just 2 weeks after her birthday. Just 5 days after I kissed her goodbye & flew back to LA. I never imagined everything unraveling the way it did. 

My mother was my guiding light. She was full of wisdom and strength and always helped me along my journey. Not only did she do this for me and my brothers, but over this past year I've heard countless stories of how she extended her wisdom and compassion to others as well. She was truly an angel to many people and a light that I just refuse to let go dim. 

I've decided the best way for me to get through the sorrow is to be the reflection of her light. As her daughter, I carry her light through me with great pride.  She wrote a lot and wanted to start a blog but didn't get a chance to, but I will, in honor of my mother, Ileana Watson. 

This is the beginning of a new chapter. It's time.